The Dating Life of Anonymous: Episode 1

*So I have a friend, a close guy friend.  He has dating issues.  It is entertaining.  I have decided to do a weekly episode of his life.  Enjoy!

Episode 1

Anon (short for anonymous) has always had interesting luck with girls.  Ever since I met him he has always been... lets just say girl crazy!   In high school he was in love with a lot of different girls.  It was hard to keep up with.

Here is his statement:

"It's that time of the month.  I have cycles.  

For two weeks I hate girls and then for two 

weeks I can't get enough of them."

Lets start with a history of his dating life:

1. Anon's first girlfriend, lovingly referred to as "slut face" cheated on him while they were dating, with his coworker, and got her pregnant.
2. Pebbles is number two.  This relationship lasted for quite a while.  She was really good at kissing (according to Anon).  He went on a mission and what happens? What always happens!  She got married to a different guy.
3. One of my favorites of his relationships was Popcorn.  Anon met Popcorn through his older sister.  They also liked kissing.  A lot.  They had issues.  Most confusing relationship ever seen on planet earth.  Let's just say they were and weren't dating quite often.  It was super confusing.  We spent my birthday listening to Anon rant about this one.

This episode now begins with Cuddles.  Anon and Cuddles both have a hard time dealing with peer pressure.  They were told to cuddle the first time they hung out and what did they do? CUDDLED! Duh!  And then for the next two weeks they cuddled until 4 in the morning.  Anon says he lost a lot of sleep (wink wink).  Then they went on dates and more dates.

So Anon and Cuddles had a DTR and they aren't officially dating.  So what do you think this means to Anon? Fine! Makeout with EVERYONE!  Yep, that is what he did.

ok.

Maybe not quite everyone.

Maybe just one other girl.

But then he cuddled with an other girl.  (These two instances have happened in the last 36 hours)

Let's get back to Makeout Girl.  First of all I think you all need to know this little detail.  Anon had just gone for a run, therefore, he was dressed in his running spandex.  Very interesting.  So Makeout Girl tells him to come over.  It was midnight.  There is a reason you don't go over to someones apartment late.  Interesting things always happen late at night.  This next part is a direct quote from Anon.  "So she went like 95 and then like 3 more so I went 2 and then 110." And then he used the equation to get her on bottom.  The Tickle.  The Turn.  The Flip.  Much better.  (Guys!  He truly said this.  I have two other witnesses)

So then, next day, Anon is hanging out with yet another girl.  They decided to basically cuddle.  (basically cuddling means that he had his arm around her back and her head was on his shoulder.  Not quite cuddling but basically.)

Can you say COMMITMENT ISSUES??!!!!

Stay tuned for the next episode of The Dating Life Anonymous.