Emotions

Life can be a funny thing.  The mood you are in can change very quickly.  I have mood swings.  I am a woman.  I don't think they are that bad, but I guess maybe they are.  I remember once being told by a guy that I can get medicine to help me control my emotions (one day he wanted to marry me and the next he wouldn't even talk to me so I thought my emotions were very rational, but I guess not.)  This whole week I have been very happy, more happy than I have been for a long time.  Today has been weird.

I don't know if it is the moon or the rain, but I have been up and down all day.  All morning while I was teaching I was so happy.  I left the school, still happy.  Somewhere between the junior high and my house my spirits sank.  I started thinking about how you can feel so important to someone and then all of a sudden they are moving on in their life without you and they are doing just fine.  Don't ask me where this thought process came from because I honestly couldn't tell you.

Sitting at my house was not helping so I went to see my mom at her school.  Walking into the elementary was like a catalyst to my happy emotions.  My mom's students are just so excited to be at school and it just rubs off onto you.

You know those texting conversations you have where you feel like you have something important to say to someone but they obviously would rather do anything but text you; you can just really tell.  That happened.  Sitting in my mom's kindergarten room.  It is silly, but it was painful.

I came home feeling broken, like I couldn't even begin to control the emotions I was feeling.  Emotions that really had no logical source.  I went for a walk with my mom.  It helped but not a lot.  So I did what every girl does when they are in this type of mood.  I watched a chick-flick.  I was smart and picked The Vow.  I cried from the very beginning before anything even happens all the way to the end (the twistedly happy ending) and now I sit here.  Controlling my emotions with my trusty Book of Mormon by my side.  I am excited to see what lesson Heavenly Father wants me to learn tonight.  Maybe it will explain this weird day.

Let's Play Catch-up

It has been a crazy two weeks!  Two Mondays ago my uncle Mark had a stroke and on Wednesday he left us to go be with our Father in Heaven.  On Saturday our family caravanned down to Arizona for the funeral and to see our family.  This trip was very long and emotional but one of the best experiences I have ever had.       It was amazing to see how blessed our family is even in a time that should be tragic.  Sunday we spent the evening at the viewing.  The strength of my aunt Roxanne and all of my cousins helped me a lot.  I have a favorite cousin.  His name is Shawn.  We get along really well even though he is 3 almost 4 years younger than me.  I don't get to see him often because he lives in Mesa, but it just makes the times I do see him that much more special.  Even though he does not have his dad with him here on this earth, he has found numerous blessings that have come from Uncle Mark's death.  I think my tears from this trip dried me out for a few months.

Monday after the funeral we left for Saint George.  We stayed with my great aunt and uncle.  While we were driving there I got a phone call from my very good friend Shannon.  She is also a FACS teacher.  She got a full time position at another school and wanted to talk to me about applying for her job at Wahlquist Jr. High.   I called the principle the next day and set up an interview.  This last Thursday I went in for my interview and by 3 pm that day I had a teaching job!  I am really excited and nervous.  School starts Wednesday.  I have never taught junior high before.  Yesterday I spent the day in new teacher meetings and met all of the CTE people for the district.  I know I am in the right place.  Growing up in this district brings a lot of comfort to me because I am already familiar with the people I will be working with.  After my meetings I spent some time in my new classroom.  I have a feeling this is going to be a crazy ride!

You know what I have learned from all of this? God has a timeline for us.  We may not understand it or like it, but He knows where we need to be.  After all of the heartbreak and disappointment of the summer He has led me to what I really should be doing.

Uncle Mark

Remember all the times you came to visit?  How much fun we had?
Remember swimming and how you would dunk us?
Remember driving Emily, Shawn and I around Mesa? And taking our pictures on the big pink chair?
Remember playing volley ball with us, even though none of us are very coordinated?
Remember all the times you would hold your grandchildren and great nieces and nephews? How I would watch and see the love that you have for them all?
Remember the time you came to visit our house and told us about when you were courting aunt Roxanne? And showed us some of the special places in our backyard?
Remember when we had a family talent show?  And how "talented" this family is?
Remember all the times we went to fireworks?
Remember how you gave the best hugs of any of my uncles?

I remember.  I always will.  I love you Uncle Mark.  I am going to miss you a lot, but I know Heavenly Father has given us a way to be together forever.  I know I will be able to see you again.  Isn't that the best news in the whole entire universe?

Looking at the good side

Today has not been the best day ever, but I have enjoyed it much more because I have focused on the good side of life.
#1- working at 7 has really helped me make the most of the summer.  I would sleep away my mornings without it.
#2- Thursdays mean I don't work the next day.
#3- I have some great guys that will back me up if I need them.
#4- Friends are confusing, and sometimes they cause pain, but it is nice to have friends that provide so many blessings in my life.
#5- My neighborhood is the biggest/best support system ever!  They all actually care about my life and hope for the best for me.
#6- There are always fabulous treats at Relief Society activities
#7- I live in the United States of America.  I have so many blessings from that. And we have an amazing Olympic team!  How can you not smile after watching Gabby?

I'm Going Nowhere Fast

This stage in my life can be pretty fun.  Okay, it is always fun.  Sometimes it does get old though.  Today was a great reminder of that.  Baby shower for a friend who is almost 2 years younger than me, what a great way for the world to say "why are you so slow?"  Madi, Shay, and I were sitting there talking like we do because we are bestest friends.  I take a look around and what do I see? Pregnant women, women holding their babies, and older women who have already had a lot of babies and are on to their grandchildren.  The 3 of us were the minority in this group.

So, you think it would be comforting having Shay and Madi with me.  Well it was, but not a whole lot.  Wanna know why?  Well because in 21 days Shay is going on a mission.  She has a purpose in life for the next 18 months.  Madi has a most fantabulous boyfriend and her single days are coming to a close.  Me... well... I uh... got nothing.

Reality has hit, and I have a plan.  I am on a quest to find my purpose in life.  I am going to be brave and take chances when I am prompted.  (Even if this means I talk to that really cute boy that I have a huge crush on)  I'm going to do it!  PURPOSE! You better be prepared because I am coming for you!  Full force with the Lord by my side!

I'm a Bookworm

So I love to read.  I would read a book a day if I had the time.  Some days I set aside for just reading.  Like today.  I worked until noon and have done nothing else but read.   My aunt often shares her book purchases from Deseret Book with my mom.  My mom will read them and then I get to read them if I want.  They are always stories about LDS girls around my age trying to figure out life.  They often help me see the humor in my life.  So the book I have been reading today is

I am liking it a lot so far.  The beginning was a little tough for me to get through.  Her life is too much like mine.  College graduate, living at home, searching for a place to start her career while working at a dead end job.  She just got out of a failed relationship with a guy who happens to have the same name as the guy I most recently had a failed relationship (you will have to read the book to get that information).  

I haven't finished the book yet, but I am close.  I am at the part when things are finally starting to work out for her.  This little piece of fiction is giving me hope that one day my life will be a little bit more successful.  One day.  For now I can focus on the other things that are happening right now and make the best of them.  This story has also inspired me to make a new friend.  A girl.  Boys are easy friends to make.  I am going to get out of my comfort zone and find a new girl friend.  Yay for adventures!

Anchors

So there is a song that has become the theme of my life lately.  I love Mindy Gledhill a lot!  Her song Anchor really explains what has been going on in my life the past few years.

Anchor

Mindy Gledhill

When all the world is spinning 'round 

Like a red balloon way up in the clouds 

And my feet will not stay on the ground

You anchor me back down

I am nearly world renowned 

As a restless soul who always skips town 

But I look for you to come around

And anchor me back down

There are those who think that I'm strange

They would box me up and tell me to change

But you hold me close and softly say

That you wouldn't have me any other way

When people pin me as a clown

You behave as though I'm wearing a crown

When I'm lost I feel so very found

When you anchor me back down

Chorus

When all the world is spinning 'round

Like a red balloon way up in the clouds 

And my feet will not stay on the ground

You anchor me back down

I told you all about my Boy Best Friends already.  They are huge anchors in my life.  They often hold me close and tell me they love the way I am.  Mark has been a big help lately.  I get really restless.  I freak out about stupid things and want to run away but he has really kept me grounded.  It is a good thing he is around or I might be in crazy land!  My lovely friend Madison has also become a huge anchor.  She helps me in other ways.  She is just there.  We just play.  Sometimes we talk about life but usually we talk about other things.  I really love my ANCHORS!

Fun with Madison!

Sometimes life is hard and all you need is some girl time.  What do girls do for girl time? Go to lunch, watch Psych, oh and of course create!  Especially baking.

We made healthy cookies!  Half butter half avocado!

We tried our hand at making our own fruit snacks. 

Lego fruit snacks!  They tasted good but were super rubbery. 

Then we decided to make beautiful pizza!  and we invited boys.  Mark LOVES pizza.

Seriously! Isn't this so beautiful??

Then we decided to make these fantastic brownies.  This is just the frosting!  Brownies include a cream cheese and mallow layer!

We like to bake.  It is fun!

Weird Dreams

I have an insane ability to remember my dreams very well.  Sometimes this really messes with my life.  Often I wake up really hating someone and then I have to remind myself that it was part of my dream.  There have been a few times where I have a very vivid dream and then not long after the dream actually happens; maybe not exactly the same way, but still.

So here is my very vivid dream from last night.

I am standing in front of my classroom.  I am teaching my child development class.  We are talking about the first trimester of pregnancy.  One of my students asks me what trimester I am in.  I look down and realize I am super huge and pregnant.  In my mind I am freaking out.  I'm not married!  How did I get pregnant.  Then a student raises their hand and calls me Mrs. Anonymous (I am not going to say the name because it is a real person).  I look down at my hand and have a ring on my finger.  I am thinking when did I get married?!  I was really freaked out.  I walk into the hall and run into my best friend.  I pull her into some storage room and start freaking out.  She calms me down and says "Melissa you and Anonymous got married 2 years ago. "  Well at this point I am thinking why did we get married?  This guy avoids me right now.  He would never marry me.  Then Anonymous suddenly appears and goes to give me a hug.  Just as he is about to hug me I woke up.  It took me a while to register that I am in my room and it was a dream.  It was so real!

So, all day I have been thinking about Anonymous.  It is so weird that a dream can cause such strong emotions and feelings.

Well world, I hope you all have happy dreams!

Boy Best Friends

This is my 100th post!  Quite an accomplishment for me.  So to celebrate I want to dedicate this to my wonderful Boy Best Friends.

So boy best friend is a very prestigious title in my life.  My boy best friends take my hand when I need a little extra help.  They are ALWAYS there for me and I for them.  They take the role of the older brother I never had.  I love every single one I have had soooo much.

Want to meet them?  (although I usually only have one acting boy best friend at a time I am still very close with each of them)

We will start from the very beginning.  James Olen Popham.  James moved to my neighborhood when we were 6.  He is the best.  He was my boy best friend for a VERY long time.  I remember calling him in junior high over some drama and just crying to him about it.  I love him.

I have about a billion pictures of James and I before the digital age and I am too lazy to  scan them in... this is him with his sister who is also one of my good friends.

After a while Kenneth David Parkinson moved into the spot.  Often I drove him crazy but for some reason he stuck around.  Even when I had stupid boyfriends, right Kenny?  We both moved to Logan fro school and he was at my apartment a lot.  We watched a lot of TaleSpin.  He was my boy best friend until he went on his mission.  We stayed close, but he just wasn't around to talk to all the time.

After a while Conner became my new boy best friend.  He gives the best hugs. EVER.  He was always willing to text when I just needed to talk.  Conner got married.  We are still friends, but marriage just kinda changes friendships.

For a while I didn't have a boy best friend.  It was super weird.  Then I met the Davin Lembke.  Truthfully I started crushing on him and then quickly decided he would be just a great friend.  He was always there when I needed to get away from the girls.  He gave me advice a lot.  He is very mature and I needed a mature man to guide my life.  He also gives great hugs, but for a while he limited my hugs because I always stole so many.  He is now engaged to a wonderful girl.

Davin stayed my boy best friend for a while.  During that time a good friend from high school came back into my life.  Cameron James Decker.  What a stud.  Our friendship is so great.  We started out hanging out, it turned into dating, and then went back to friends.  Some people just fit better in your life that way.  Cameron brought a lot of stability into my life.  He showed me how much I am really worth.  He is AMAZING.

Sometimes friends just grow apart a little.  I moved home from Logan and Cam stayed there.  He is still one of my best friends.  He always will be.

This past little while I have had some really great friends.  Awesome guy friends, but none have really taken the boy best friend position, until now.  Ever feel like there is just someone you just really need to get to know?  Mark Alton Swanson started hanging out with my group of friends.  He intrigued me.  He became a fun friend.  And then for a few days he became more than a friend.  We both realized that our relationship was only meant to be friends.  Funny how that works sometimes.  Now Markus is my new boy best friend.  Even in this short time I really have grown to love him.  Maybe it is because he hugs me often and encourages me to let the tears flow, but is he has become an anchor in my life.  He is the kind of man that makes sure he brings happiness to your life and only that.  He is the kind of man that will randomly text you a scripture because he has been thinking about you and your problems.  I am one lucky girl.

Mark and I don't have any great pictures yet, he is the one next to me touching his ear.

I love all of you so much! Thanks for making my life so wonderful.  I know Heavenly Father loves me because he has let all of you be in my life.